You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
