After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You took a bar mat shot.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
