Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
