When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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