Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
