so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
