Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
3pm strippers are depressing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
