She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Someone signed my nipple.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
