We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
