if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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