he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
