Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
