Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
