five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
