But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
