Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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