My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
