Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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