My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
