If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
