just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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