So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
