Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
