I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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