This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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