what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
