I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
