When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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