Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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