morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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