The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
where are my eyebrows?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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