I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
