I'm jealous of your bromance
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
