just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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