Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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