Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
