i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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