YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
