I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
