I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
