so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
