I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
