chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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