Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
