you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
