Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
