Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
