Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
