i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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