You really coming over, don't trick.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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