she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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