Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
