I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
