Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
