Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
